Britain is a country where old Post Second World War Baby Boomers become sexual survivors

The most recent 'National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles', published in 2021 revealed that : 

* 39% of men between the age of 65 and 74 who were the Second World War baby boomers born between 1948 and 1957, who were the oldest people the researchers surveyed, had been sexually active in the previous four weeks.

* For women of that age, it was 23%. 

A 2018 study of older adults, with an average age of 65, found those who had reported any kind of sexual activity within the last 12 months had : 'Better wellbeing and a higher enjoyment of life'.

Psychosexual therapist, Kate Moyle said : “We have, for a very long time, focused on sexuality as something to do with youth and it’s just not true and not helpful”.“Desire is something that we can have across the lifetime. What we might see is that there is an interruption in the way that arousal used to previously function, the body’s physical ability; but we can adapt”. Kate said : “The need for intimacy and connection doesn’t age”. 

Kate advises the sexual wellness brand, 'LELO', which, in a recent survey of 1,000 people, found that although most respondents over the age of 50 were having less sex than when they were younger, nearly a third said the sex they do have is better. However, she pointed out that : “Sex hormones decrease with age” and there are experiences associated with getting old that can make sex more challenging. For women, this can mean vaginal dryness, or reduced elasticity, which can make sex uncomfortable. For men, erectile dysfunction can be a symptom of issues such as : heart conditions or prostate problems, or a side-effect of medication. 

For some baby boomers this might mean an end to penetrative sex but, as Kate points out that : "Doesn’t mean that it’s less meaningful. There are plenty of ways to achieve sexual enjoyment. It’s about finding the ways that work for you and it might be about having to think about ways in which that could be achieved differently”. 

She suggests that lubricant would help some  couples and the support of cushions, others. She said : “With a reduction in sexual arousal, things like foreplay might take longer. You might find, for example, that someone who has difficulties with arthritis, or hip pain, simple things like positioning the body differently, or using cushions for support, can make sex more enjoyable”. She makes the point that because we don’t get to see representations of old people with an enjoyable sex life, it can, she says, make : “People feel like they shouldn’t”. 

As a therapist, Kate has seen people in their 70s and over who have anxiety around sex, particularly with a new partner after divorce or bereavement. She said : “They might have had sex with one person for a very long time and changed a lot during that time”. She advises them to talk openly about it, though she acknowledges this can feel awkward : “Because we don’t have a lot of conversations around how the want and need for intimacy and connection doesn’t age. But it’s likely that your new partner might have the same kind of anxieties that you do”.

Take the case of Ronald, 81 years old and born during the Second World War and not shown on the right. He married for the third time after the deaths of his two previous wives and being open to a new relationship he is now having the best sex of his life. He said : “After two bereavements, I could have given up at that point, but to have found a loving relationship at my age, and after a lifetime that was relatively humdrum, is a great bonus”.

In his first marriage, which lasted 48 years, there wasn't much sex. He said : “It was a different generation. I think my wife sort of thought : ‘Well, I’ve had children and that’s the end of that’. I would describe it as mutually unsuccessful”. In his second marriage he gained sexual confidence and experience, although, sadly, she became ill and also passed away.

Ronald's third wife enjoys sex, and so does he and said : “I’m accused now of being a bit like a teenager and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. I have somebody with whom I like making love and they like making love with me, and that’s tremendous, so you tend to do it quite often”. He did, however, hit a snag :“I don’t know what happened, whether it was psychological or physical, but getting an erection became a problem, which is more or less resolved”. Viagra now helps him but : “The only problem is it has taken the spontaneity out”. 

Looking back Ronald said : “I could say I’ve wasted a great many years, but I’m very happy with where I am. I’m also quite proud that, given two bereavements, I’m still functioning and able to relate to other people. I haven’t given up on life. I’m like a teenager. I have somebody with whom I like making love and they like making love with me, and that’s tremendous".

In his study in 2017, David Lee, a research fellow at Manchester University’s School of Social Sciences, called people like Ronald “sexual survivors” – people over the age of 80 who still enjoy an active sex life. In a report written with Professor Josie Tetley, using data from the 'English Longitudinal Study of Ageing', he noted that while physical challenges  like erectile difficulties, occurred more frequently with age, the emotional side of sex appeared more fulfilling for people over 80. Men and women in this age bracket reported more shared sexual compatibility and emotional closeness than those in their 50s, 60s and 70s which was good news for anyone going through a drought in middle age.

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In grateful acknowledgement to Emine Saner's excellent article in the 'Guardian' last week, titled : ' "We're having way better sex than our kids !" The seventy somethings hitting their kinky, blissed-out peak'.(link) 

It's publication produced some amusing responses in the letter page of the paper :

Jo Burdon from Marlow in Buckinghamshire wrote : 'My peaceful morning ruined. Having my quiet cuppa and shortbread biscuit in bed, himself shoves your article in front of me ('I'm having better sex than my kids!'). I barely escaped from under the duvet to run downstairs. And now you're suggesting morning and noon as well as night. God help me !'

Margaret Forrester wrote from Edinburgh : 'Re older people having sex, one woman doctor said sympathetically to a friend with arthritic knees : "That's the trouble with ageing men. They get stiff in all the wrong places" '.