Happy Birthday Old Timers !

It gives me great pleasure to say "Happy Birthday" to each of the following and a special gratification to note that they are all older than me. The question is : can you tell, apart from the beautiful Raquel, who is who ?



Werner Herzog : Film and opera director : 67
Raquel Welch : Actor : 69
George Lazenby : Actor : 70
Dick Clement : Film director and script writer : 72
Johnny Briggs : Actor : 74
Bob Newhart : Actor and comedian : 80
http://trashcars.net/videos/223/bob-newhart-driving-instructor.html

Britain is no country for old men who can't hear or speak clearly

I've just had my first experience of talking to a computer. It was a bit like the astronauts talking to Hal in the 1968 film : '2001: A Space Odyssey'. In this case the voice was pleasant and female.

I was applying over the phone for a renewal of my European Health Insurance Card.

The computer voice, I'm going to call her 'Val', asked me for my number, name, date of birth. post code, first line of my address and then asked me if I could be contacted on the number I was calling from.
In each case I spoke clearly and slowly and was rewarded by 'Val' with encouraging expressions like " great ". If I'd been a dog I would have wagged my tail.

What a strange world we live in where we feel gratified when, the disembodied voice from a computer down a telephone line, metaphorically pats us on the head and says "great" when we get something right.

I have a feeling that I have just had my first taste of the shape of things to come.

The voice of Hal :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE1F7d6f1Qk&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo%2Egoogle%2Ecom%2Fvideosearch%3Fq%3Dvoice%2520of%2520Hal%2520in%25202001%26rls%3Dcom%2Emicrosoft%3Aen%2Dgb%3AIE%2DSearchBox%26oe%3DUTF%2D8%26sourceid%3Die7%26rl&feature=player_embedded

The film director Stanley Kubric chose the voice of Canadian actor, Douglas Rain for the calm, rational voice of Hal. Apparently 'Hal' is an amalgam of 'heuristic' and 'algorithmic' - the 2 main processes of learning.

Today's Laughter tonic from Pete and Dud and the 60's

One Leg Too Few

One Leg Too Few is a comedy sketch written by Peter Cook and performed there without Moore, when he was a student at Cambridge, Apparently, Wikepedia says : 'It is a classic example of comedy arising from an absurd situation which the participants take entirely seriously, and a demonstration of the construction of a sketch in order to draw a laugh from the audience with almost every line'.

It appeared on the West End stage for the first time in 1961 as part of 'One Over the Eight', a revue starring Kenneth Williams.
Its first public performance with Dudley Moore in the role of Spiggot was as part of Beyond the Fringe at the Cambridge Arts Theatre on April 21, 1961.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty68LPKRQQQ&feature=related

Sad post script :

Peter Cook died in 1995 at the age of 57 in 1995 from a gastrointestinal haemorrhage, caused by severe liver damage, the result of years of heavy drinking.

Dudley Moore died in in 2002 at the age of 67, as the result of complications caused by the brain disorder, progressive supranuclear palsy.

Giggling clips as a P.P.S.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUoQbcK7Xso&NR=1

Britain in 1965 : a South London School called 'Eltham Green Comprehensive' and the confidence of youth

Page views : 18,699

The events I am about to unfold took place in the summer of 1965 at a huge secondary school, built to house 2,500 post Second World War, South London, baby boomers, called Eltham Green Comprehensive School.

My reporting is reliable, because the story was told to me by Frank, one of the participants.

A kind of tradition had started to grow up that, the Sixth Form school leavers would do something to disrupt the Head Master's speech in the school hall, the occasion being : 'Farewell to the Sixth Formers' in front of the  thousand pupils in attendance and relayed by the tanoi broadcasting system to the rest of the school, seated in their form rooms.
It had all been fairly mediocre stuff in the past, like planting alarm clocks in cupboards in the hall, timed to go off when the Old Man was into his speech or chaining the exit doors, so no one could get out.

This year would be in a different league and memorable.

The night before this Leavers' Service, 4 of the lads in the sixth form : Frank, Bill, George and Stan had a drink in the local Yorkshire Grey pub and, after closing time, and dressed in dark clothing, climbed over the school gates and made their way to the hall, where, by chance, they found a door open and didn't need to use the master key Frank had 'borrowed' from the Head of Science, Mr Bousfield.

Once inside the darkened hall the tick of the clock startled them. They put their plan into effect. Bill stood on tables and chairs and placed an old fashioned loud speaker, out of sight, on the wooden sounding board, way up above the stage. A single wire was then run from the speaker, down the wall, through the door opening and along the corner of the floor of the corridor behind the hall and into one of the small music rooms. The wire was fed into an old fashioned reel-to reel tape recorder. A spooled tape was placed on the deck and connected to a blank spool. The lads then made their exit from the school.

After lunch the next day, the hall began to fill up. First the younger kids downstairs and then the Sixth Form in the balcony. It was at this point that Frank had been delegated to make his way to the music room to switch on the tape, which George had spent hours searching to record from a pirate radio station on the radio, was timed to play blank for 20 minutes. He noticed that the indicator light was on and so placed the leather bag of one music teachers, Mr Jones, against it and a tray of glasses on top for good measure. He then made his exit and went to the balcony.

The Old Man was well into his speech with the usual stuff about 'torch bearers' when the first blast of music came out of the hidden speaker :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5ya_Gq8d4Q

The Headmaster sat down angry and perplexed. Teachers ran around like blue-arsed flies, trying to find from where the blast of music was coming and were unsuccessful. The kids were collapsed in laughter.
Two and a half minutes later Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's "Goodbye" finished. It was then that the Old Man made his big mistake. He got to his feet and resumed his speech saying that the perpetrators would be found out.

Unbeknown to him or anyone in hall or school, except the lads on the balcony, the tape played blank for another few minutes and then :

Here they come again, mmmm-mm-mm,
Catch us if you can, mmmm-mm-mm,
Time to get a move on, mmmm-mm-mm,
We will yell with all of our might.

Catch us if you can ......

Now we gotta run, mmmm-mm-mm,
No more time for fun, mmmm-mm-mm,
When we're gettin' angry, mmmm-mm-mm,
We will yell with all of our might.

Catch us if you can .....

Here they come again, mmmm-mm-mm,
Catch us if you can, mmmm-mm-mm,
Time to get a move on, mmmm-mm-mm,
We will yell with all of our might.

Catch us if you can.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJYgNqOFBLk

With no guarantee of protection from unending interruptions, the Headmaster left the stage. He got the police in, but they could find nothing, since the lads had not forced an entry and caused no damage to school property.

The story of the lads' ruse spread to all South London school kids year and doubtless teachers, that year. Somehow they were doing what youth and the Dave Clark Five did in the 1960s when they shouted :

                           "We will yell with all of our might."

Our Sixth Form tutor seated with the sixth form on the balcony, Mr Callum, had said to Jim : "Nine out of ten 'Wilson'".

He was wrong, it was "10 out of 10".

The Headmaster got the police in, but they could find nothing, since the lads had not forced an entry.

Sadly, George, the mastermind behind the single wire and tape died in a motor accident just a few years after he played his role in this brilliant exploit.


The detailed story of that day in the summer of '65 :


Thursday, 20 September 2018
Britain is a country where old men, once lads, remember a summer's afternoon in 1965, in a school called Eltham Green and "We will yell with all of our might"

https://britainisnocountryforoldmen.blogspot.com/2018/09/britain-is-country-where-old-men-once.html

Britain's hospital wards - no place for sick, old men

John Humphreys, the B.B.C. Radio 4 interviewer on the 'Today' programme, had two features on hospital care for the elderly on Thursday and Friday last week. It was pretty sobering stuff, based on the most recent report published by the Patients' Association.

http://www.patients-association.org.uk/DBIMGS/file/Patients%20not%20numbers,%20people%20not%20statistics.pdf

On Thursday Michael Summers, Vice-Chairman of the Patients' Association spoke about :
" cases of dirt, being left in their own urine,soiled beds, blood around the bed...nurses not being available to treat them...a whole panoply of lack of dignity, a lack of care and lack of compassion."
The point was made that the majority of nurses treat us well, but here we have an unusually high number of nurses letting the profession down.
On Friday John Humphreys interviewed 2 nurses - Bob Purcell a nurse of 40 years experience and Rachel a graduate nurse with 2 years experience. He made the point that hospital care has changed dramatically : what had once been a few days in hospital was now a few hours ; nurses now do many jobs once done by doctors. He asked the question : Has the care and compassion been lost ? Before the interview he related some of the e-mails he had received after the first programme :

' The nurses did not speak to the patients, except to bark orders.'

' I watched as a nurse walked away, not to return when I told her that an elderly and confused gentleman had soiled his bed when he couldn't find the lavatory.'

' My mother was forced to walk to the toilet, despite crying out in pain when she tried to stand. I asked for a wheelchair or bed pan and was refused both.'

What was heartening was, to listen to Rachel, the nurse of 2 years experience confirm that nursing was about compassion and care. Bob with his 40 years experience made the observation that with young people with acute problems were whipped in and out. It was in the long stay wards and elderly care wards that the quality of care was lower.

I surmise from all this that :

If I am young and ill I'll be treated O.K. and it will be a quick in and out.

If I am old and ill and staying in for some time, there's a good chance I'll suffer from neglect.

Britain in 1964 - a place for Manfred Mann

I didn't know that 'nostalgia' was, like other Greek 'algias', originally a disease. It was homesickness as a disease based on 'nostos' meaning 'return home' and 'algos' meaning 'pain'. Now it means a 'sentimental yearning for some period in the past'. I had a touch of that today when I saw that the band Manfred Mann were Number One with their version of 'Do Wah Diddy Diddy' 45 years ago.

I was able to draw on my auditory memory and sing out loud :

There she was, just a walking down the street
Singing," Do wah diddy diddy, diddy dum, diddy do".
Snapping her fingers and shuffling her feet,
Singing,"Do wah diddy diddy, diddy dum diddy do".
She looked good,
she looked good,
She looked fine,
she looked fine,
And I nearly lost my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30p0PJrHrgE


I am mindful of Tim Lott's argument that the past isn't real and only the present 'is', but I'm sure that Tim would agree that, a little nostalgia letting me to go back to my version of the past is permitted. So I am allowing myself to go back to August 1964 when I was 17 ( now 62 ), Paul Jones the singer was 22 ( now 67 ) and Manfred Mann was 26 ( now 69 ).

I was studying for 'A' levels, had a saturday job at C & A's, a pretty girlfriend called 'Heather' and drank with my mates in the 'Three Tuns' in Blackheath Village every thursday night.

I felt good, I felt fine
In that very special time.

Do wah diddy diddy, diddy dum diddy do.

Britain - a place where philosophy can help old men

I figure that most men, when they reach a certain age, ask questions about their lives. Perhaps, like me, they think more and more about the past and less about the present. They try to avoid the future altogether, for the prospect of continued decline is bleak indeed. Which is why I found an article in a Sunday Times magazine entitled :

No time like the present
Clinging to the past and fearing for the future is ruining the here and now, warns Tim Lott

so apposite.

The first point that he made which struck a chord with me is, that we think of the present world merely as the end of the past. ' So it is easy to forget that the past is actually the result of the present. It is the present, not the past which is powerful.'

These are difficult ideas to follow. They seem to turn everything on its head , but the argument says that, the way we are the people we are now explains why our predecessors were the people they were then.

'The present is all there is. It is everything and everywhere. Even our thoughts about the past take place in the present.'

People, he argues are in a hurry. We are in a panic to get as much as possible done ' before it all collapses into nothingness.'
He confesses that at 53 he has 'settled into the present and it is a much more comfortable place to be. In reality, it is the only place to be.'

So I'm asking myself should I, like Tim Lott, try to settle into the present and , difficult though it may be, see Britain today as a place for old men ?

Old men in the U.S.A. - beware the 'Searle Freedom Trust' - no friend of yours

I came across an apparently, benign, You Tube video called :
'Save Sonny Episode 1 - Pimp my Walker'. I add the link below.

Closer investigation revealed a very nasty attack on old Americans, delivered with the aim of turning young Americans against tax payments to Social Security and Medicare, in favour of investing for retirement in private accounts.

* In Episode 1, Sonny asks his Uncle why he " has had to pay $32 of his first pay cheque to FICA ?"
His Uncle tells him that "these are Government programmes that take money from old people to give it to young people."

* Three old ladies turn up on souped-up, electric, disabled scooters and mug him for his money.

* Sonny is told : " When FICA takes your money, it is combined with everyone elses and then distributed to the elderly - on average, the wealthiest group in the country."

* Sonny tracks the old ladies and finds a room marked 'Trust Fund' which contains lots of money. One of the old ladies then punches him out of a first floor window. On the ground he says : " I go home. There's got to be a better way."

* It takes Sonny 4 more episodes to find that better way.
His journey takes him to :

' Episode 2 - Boom Baby Boom '
' Episode 3 - Policy Warriors '
' Episode 4 - Broken Trust '
' Episode 5 - Run Sonny Run '

Of course, it is in the last episode that we learn that : 'today's kids can and should be able to save for retirement in private accounts.'
Who is behind this heartless portrayal of old Americans as nasty and greedy. What is their motive ?

I tracked down the video maker to 'Lineplot Productions LLC' in Cambridge Massachusetts.
They are apparently, 'an animation studio that focuses on describing complex financial and economic issues to broad audiences.' They say that : 'we are very appreciative to the Reason Foundation, who is distributing Sonny through Reason TV. And we deeply thank the Searle Freedom Trust for providing a grant to make this work possible.'

( My emphasis on poor grammar )

So there it is : 'The Searle Freedom Trust' - the money behind a campaign to turn people against tax payments for social security and pensions in favour of the open market and it doesn't care if it uses and reinforces the nastiest stereotypes of old people to do that.

America - the land of free enterprise and opportunity and No Place For Old Men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyvx_r4UB9Y

Britain - a place for old, daytime drivers

One of the questions I asked myself before I went to Germany was:

' Are most convertibles in Germany driven by old men ?'

The answer I've come up with is 'No'.
The 20 - 30 convertibles I saw, were mostly driven by 30'ish men and young women.

The other thing I observed was the quality of driving in Bavaria.

Our nephew took us to Munich Airport at 140 k.m.p.h. and I felt 'safe'. There was excellent lane discipline on the motorway - no dawdling and you got out of the way if a car at 160 k.m.p.h. was coming up behind you.

On my first day driving back in Britain :

1. An elderly person pulled out in front of me on a roundabout. I did something I rarely do - I hooted.

2. We drove behind a car doing 20 m.p.h in a 30 zone. The driver, another elderly person, suddenly signalled left, to go into her drive.

3. On another road, a jeep with trailor attached, pulled out in front of the car in front of me , causing both of us to brake.

CONCLUSION :

Britain is a place for old drivers in the daytime - but a dangerous one.

Goodbye Bavaria and your happy opas and omas

This is my last post from Germany - we fly back to Britain today.

On Sunday evening we went to a funfair in the town of Wolzach. There were the usual attractions and ways of getting adults to part with their money that you see anywhere in Europe and those garish paintings which must also be pan-European.
It was a warm central European evening and the ground was full of extended families - Mum, Dad and the kids and granny 'oma' and granddad 'opa'.

We met my friend Siggi and went with him and his wife and son to the beer tent. I didn't have my camera, but the picture above gives some idea what it was like. About 1,500 people sitting at trestle tables, talking, drinking and eating and served by strong women in dressed in 'dirndls' and carrying 10 glass tankards of beer in their hands.
At the end of the tent a traditional Bavarian brass band played traditional Bavarian music. It was hot and noisy and, as I told Siggi, " completely unique to this part of Germany and therefore the world."
Sitting at tables around the hall I could see a good sprinkling of grey heads and this heartened me.
I briefly left the beer hall because Siggi's 10 year old son needed someone in his bumper car and I foolishly agreed to ride with him, after all fun fairs are places where men become boys. I returned to the tent a bit shaken up, but otherwise O.K.

Bye, bye Bavaria and your happy old men.

Bavaria is a county for old men - confirmed

This is me and my new Bavarian friend, Siggy ( Siegfried ) outside his village this morning. He's a bit sweaty because he's just run 14 kilometres through the countryside with my brother-in-law. I rode behind them on a bike.


Siggy is an interesting man. He told me that his family have lived in the village since 1680, which is probably when records began. He lives in there in a big house with farm buildings attached. He grows hop vines, but his main job is as the manager of a slaughter house in the town of Ingolstadt. Siggy told me that they slaughter about 20,000 cattle a year as well as pigs and sheep. He also told me that Ingolstadt was the home of the 'Illuninati'. This was a secret society of freethinkers set up in the 18th century and thought, at the time, to be behind the overthrow of governments in Europe.
Before that it was home to a renown medical school in the Renaissance and was also the where Mary Shelley's Doctor Frankenstein created his monster in her 1831 novel.

There are 3 generations living in Siggi's house - him and his wife and 2 children and his 87 year old father.






On friday we had a party to celebrate my brother-in-law's 60th birthday. The venue was a room in Siggy's house with stone floors and pillars, which had once been the cattle pen.

In the evening the room was filled with about 40 people, lots of bonhomie and good food and drink.

On Saturday morning we went back to the house at 10 o'clock to clean up. Siggi's father appeared, poured himself a beer from the barrel, got himself a helping of left over trifle and sat down in the courtyard to read his paper.

Is this the secret to longevity in Bavaria ?

Berlin - a city with a supermarket for old men

Ever practical, the Germans have opened their first supermarket for senior citizens in Berlin.
I have some questions :

Will the idea catch on and spread to other German cities ?

Will the idea take hold in Britain ?

Would middle aged people shop there or avoid it for fear of being labelled as 'old' ?


Tescos, smelling potential money, have taken an interest in the findings and have submitted a planning application to develop a supermarket within the Campus for Ageing & Vitality on the former Newcastle General Hospital site.


This is all serious stuff. Nothing to do with making money out of old people. Apparently, 'the proposed mixed use of the Campus for research, commercial and retail use, will provide a unique opportunity to study an everyday activity which has important implications for healthy living'

And the 'Institute for Ageing and Health hopes this is the first step towards research looking at the ways in which older people shop and what they buy, giving scientists a better understanding of the relationships between nutrition and shopping behaviour and how more effectively to promote a healthy diet'.
All very laudable.

Leading the group visit, Professor Jim Edwardson, Chair of 'Years Ahead', said, “This will be an exciting opportunity to find out how supermarket shopping can be improved, not just for older people but for many others who could benefit. Retailers need to address the needs of an ageing population and the opportunities to support healthy lifestyles and independence – not just in relation to nutrition but across a wide range of other services that supermarkets increasingly provide.”


I must confess, the video clip did make me smile.


http//www.reuters.com/news/video?videoId=5628

Germany-no country to cross the 'Geritol Gang'.

A crime took place in a holiday home on the lake above. It is called 'Chiemsee' and is in Bavaria not far from where I'm writing this post. It involved a 56 year old German-American financial advisor and 5 elderly Germans, 3 men and 2 women with ages ranging from 60 to 79. The story is bizarre and was reported in the 'Sun' newspaper in Britain and others around the world.

KIDNAP
James Amburn returned to his apartment in the town of Speyer after a night out in June. He was hit from behind with a zimmer frame, tied up with masking tape, as he said later : " I looked like a mummy. It took quite a long time because they ran out of breath". He was then taken to a lake called Chiemsee where his abductors, the 74 year old Roland and 60 year old Willy were met by Roland's 79 year old wife, Seiglinde. They were later joined by the retired doctors, Iris 66 and Gerhard 63.

MOTIVE
The kidnapped Amburn ran an investment company and on his advice the group had invested 2 million pounds in Florida property and lost it all in the financial storm.
The Chief Prosecutor of Traunstein said later : " They were angry because they invested money in Florida and lost it all."
Their motive was clear : THEY WANTED HIM TO COUGH UP THE MONEY THEY HAD LOST

ORDEAL
Amburn claimed he was kept chained up and almost naked in a cellar, was fed soup twice a day and periodically beaten up with a chair leg and burnt with cigarettes. He said they threatened to kill him and did sustain 2 broken ribs. Their motive was clear : they were using force, captivity and intimidation to get him to somehow 'cough up' the money.

ESCAPE
On the occasion of being allowed to smoke in the garden, ( perhaps the 2 doctors objected to him smoking in the house ?), he escaped over the garden wall only to be pursued by car with his captors shouting : "Stop that man ! He's a burglar !"
Two local men stepped in and pinned Aubam to the ground and he was taken back to the seller and he says, another beating.

RESCUE
Amburn wrote out a message to a Swiss bank asking them to transfer money, but here's the clever bit : when asking for insurance policies to be called up he put in call up 'pol-ice'. Someone in the bank picked it up. The house was surrounded by 40 police from the anti-terrorist squad and Aubam was freed and the assailants arrested.

OUTCOME
The 'Geritol Gang' - named after the arthritis drug, but emanating from the U.S.A. are awaiting trial. They could get 15 years. If they do the maximum stretch they will be out at the age of 94, 89, 81 and 75. I have the feeling that they will be given far less than this on account of public sympathy and their age.

Bavarian families- the secret to happy old men

Yesterday, I had a parallel experience in Munich, Bavaria to one I'd had in Hadlow, Kent last week. I went to the Botanic Gardens which are said to be the 'Wisley' of Germany, with a long history and 14,000 species of plant. The 'Secret Garden' at Hadlow College could not compete with this, but that didn't matter, since I was 'people watching' and not 'plant watching'.

My observations confirmed that, in Southern Germany at least, three generations of family do things together. I surmise that this keeps the Bavarian old folk integrated and helps to give them a meaningful existence.

Why do I say this ?

When I visited Hadlow Garden and restaurant in the morning and afternoon, I saw middle-aged and elderly couples and groups of 3 or 4 of the same age. I can't recall seeing many people younger than this or any young children at all. The German Botanical Garden and restuarant was different. Grandparents strolled with daughter or daughter-in-law and young children - 3 generations engaging the gardens together.
One group of 3 women had us debating. I said it was " great grandmother, grandmother and granddaughter". My wife and brother-in-law disagreed, saying that the youngest was only 16 years old and therefore it was daughter, mother and grandmother.
It didn't really matter. The point was that the 3 generations were enjoying the gardens and each other's company together.
I think that it is the Bavarian sense and expression of family ties which go some way to explain why, in this part of the country at least, German men and women live long and no doubt largely happy lives, in their fading days.

Germany is a country sympathetic towards old men

I thought that while I was over here in Germany, I'd do a bit of research on old people over here.

I find that, in a population of 82 million, 1 in 4 are over 60 and that after Japan and Italy, Germany has the third largest population of old people in the world. Apparently, the majority lead independent lives and live close to their children. They set themselves new goals and actively make use of their leisure time.

Financially they are taken care of because the 1957 Pension Reform gave them a full share of the nation's wealth. Poverty in old age in Germany has not been done away with, but being poor in old age is lower than that of other age groups.

Having said this, the retirement age for the state pension has recently been raised to 67,in order to avert a future pension crisis as Germans live longer.

What I found most interesting was the concept of the multi-generational house. In 460 districts and municipalities, families can get help and advice if they want set set up one of these houses. The idea is simple. There are strong emotional bonds between grown up children and their parents and grandparents and grandchildren, so why not get them living under one roof ?

With that kind of reasoning, Germany 'sounds' like a country sympathetic towards old men.

Bavaria is a county for old men

I'm on holiday in Bavaria in Southern Germany, staying in a small village to the north of Munich. While I'm here I'm going to turn over a few stones, ask a few questions, see if this is a place for old men.

Last night we went to the town of Pfaffenhoven. It was a special occasion, the one sunday evening a year when permission is given for stall holders selling ´bric a brac`, to set up business around the edge of the the town square. The cobble stoned square is ringed with large, gabled buildings with facades painted in pastel colours. Dominating all, the white Catholic church, complete with steeple and clock which indicated `VIII`.

I started by looking at the goods on the stalls. Finding nothing likely to appeal to me, I graduated to studying the people. They were far more interesting. There were thousands of them strolling around the square on this balmy, central European, summer´s evening. There were little kids with their parents and grandparents, teenagers, young couples and elderly couples.

What did I observe ?

Well, those ´getting on` a bit like me, were visible and integrated, not invisible and isolated. They were out and about enjoying themselves at night.
Now, I have to be careful not to read too much into this, it was, after all a special occasion. I asked my brother-in-law Christian, "Could and would old people come here to enjoy food and drink, in the open, on a normal summer´s evening ?" Without hesitation, he said "Yes."

What might explain this ? Well, this was in Bavaria in southern Germany, which is traditional and family-orientated, unlike the towns and cities of the Protestant, industrialised north. So I conclude that Bavaria, at least, is a county for old men.

I wasn`t in the City of Rochester in the County of Kent last night, but I´ll posit that if I had been, there would have been few, if any old people around, but a lot of loud, besotted youngsters in the bars and on the streets and a police presence. I have no doubt was the case in towns and cities across Britain.

Britain - a country to profit from lots more old men

Stock market investors must be aware that, as the millions of post - Second World War baby boomers move into old age, there will be money to be made from :

An increased demand for :

private homes

Saga holidays

zimmer frames

walking sticks

carpet slippers

incontinence pads

hearing aids

meals on wheels

SO BABY BOOMERS - DON'T LET THE YOUNGSTERS BE THE ONLY ONES TO MAKE MONEY OUT OF YOU - INVEST IN YOURSELVES !

Germany - a country for old men ?

I'm off to Germany. I've been there many times over the years, but I haven't been since I started this blog, so I'm going to try to get answers to the following questions, which produce 'affirmations' in Britain :

Is German T.V. a place for old men but not old women ?

Does social class dictate how long Germans live ?

Are most convertibles in Germany driven by old men ?

Do Germans become invisible when they get old ?

Britain - even less of a country for future old men

I have been surprised to find that, in future, Britain will be even less of a country for old men, than it is now. This comes from a pensions expert and former economic advisor to Downing Street called 'Ros Altmann'. Incidentally, isn't it strange that 'altmann' in German means 'old man' ? I found out about her in an article in the Observer Newspaper written by Ruth Sunderland.

In the article, entitled 'The Britons who can't afford to become old', Ruth paints a picture of a future Britain where men and women have to work longer and longer. She said that pension experts warn that Britain faces a retirement crisis so huge that it could eclipse the 'credit crunch'. If we continue on our present course, Britain will simply not be able to grow old and we have to accept that we will have to work longer, consume less and save more.

Ros writes : ' Altmann is not alone in issuing dire warnings about our collective failure to provide for the future : economists and actuaries are unanimous the U.K. is no country for old men - and it is even worse for old women.'

Some facts :

* The average private 'pension pot', will give a single man of 65 less than £2,000 a year - £38 a week.

* A 'pension pot' of £100,000 will, at current rates, yield an annual sum of £4,500 - £86 a week.

* At present 9,000,000 people rely on a state pension of £95.25 a week or a reduced rate of £57.05 for those, mostly women, who have not paid enough National Insurance contributions to qualify for the full rate, mainly because they took time off work to bring up the kids.

* The 'National Pensioners' Convention', has said that about 820 old people fall into poverty each day. Only in Latvia, Spain and Cyprus are you more likely to end up old and poor.

So, what is the way forward ?

The message is clear : Today's old men are better off than those coming up behind them, who will have to work longer.

I return to Ruth Sunderland, who painted this in her article describing a retirement party in 2039, where glasses were raised to the company's longest serving employee who, at 83 was leaving, after 60 years of service. In the room, the youngsters in their 50's and 60's knew that they had to work several decades before they could afford to retire.

eBay is no company for old sellers

I didn't do Latin at school, but I know that 'caveat emptor' means, 'let the buyer beware'. Is there a phrase for 'Let the seller beware' ?

I put something on eBay as a 'seller', for the first time last week. It was not a pleasant experience, but I am being philosophical by telling myself that 'you learn more when things go wrong, than when things go right'.

Initially, all was well. The bidding on my '1950's 'Midwinter' cake stand' in the 'blue domino pattern' and from the 'Jessie Tate' stable, went well. After a week the bidding closed at £32.00. I was pleased. Then things started to go wrong.

1. The,'apparently', female buyer, was paying by e-cheque and not Pay Pal. E- cheques take 8 - 10 days to clear.

2.Unbeknown to me, I must have been identified as a first time seller and as such was open to predators.

3. I was e mailed by 'service @ paypal.co.uk'.

Subject : Don't forget to claim you money from R.... H..... The e mail then asked me to provide my bank details in order to get the buyer's money.

4. Initially, I fell for this and began to type in the details, but when a direct debit instruction appeared, I smelt a rat.

5. Some research on Google revealed that this was the address of a well known phishing scam.

6. I deleted the email and sent a copy of the phishing spoof to Pay Pal fraud.

7. On my instruction eBay had sent the offer to the next in line bidder, who declined to put in the bid again. Why ?
On reflection, I began to wonder if this bidder had been working working with R.H. to give the impression that they were bidding against one another and so drive off the opposition, before I was set up for the sting.

8. I then received 2 more e mails from R.H. saying that 'she'd' seen the re listing 'was it too late ?' 'She'd' tried to sort things out. Remember,I still don't know and will never know if R.H. is a 'he' or a 'she'.

9. I replied that the deal was off, I had specified payment by Pay Pal and 'she' had tried an e-cheque. I told 'her' that I'd sent a copy of the phishing e-mail bearing her name to Pay Pal.

10. She 'indirectly' confirmed her complicity in the fraud, when she replied by saying that, I, as the receiver of her payment, had to reject the incoming cheque. 'She' did not refer to the fact that I had reported to Pay Pal fraud. A genuine seller would have said " Oh my God. What are these people doing using my name?"

11. I checked with Pay Pal and 'yes' I did have to cancel the 'apparent' transaction.

12. I have the option of reporting 'her' to eBay as a bad buyer. Her other 'apparent' buyers have given positive feedback, but these could be her fellow fraudsters. Either way, she now has my e-mail address and could therefor do me more and spiteful damage.

13. I do have the option of putting 'her' on in future transactions, as a buyer I don't want to do business with. I think I'll do that.

I reflect. How many people old and young are targeted by people like this and find they have their bank accounts emptied ?

What have I learnt?

E Bay is peopled by men and women who may, or may not, be the people they say they are and who may, or may not, do the things they say they will do and whose motives may, or may not, be honourable.

I will continue sell on eBay, a wiser and dare I say, older man.

Britain's Old Timers - you are not alone !

Born on this day :

76 years ago, Lance Percival the entertainer.

66 years ago, 'Rolling Stone' Sir Mick Jagger.

64 years ago, actress Dame Helen Mirren.

59 years ago, actress Susan George.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ALL.

Some thoughts :

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!

"Grandma, is it exciting being 99?"
"It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead".

And the greatest birthday song of all time :

Britain's Tescos - no company for complaints

The story I am about to tell happened to this old man, but it could have happened to anyone. It is about something very small - a box of Felix cat food sachets, costing £3.75 ,which tells us a lot about something very big - the Tescos Supermarket chain which made a profit of £3.13bn or £3,130,000,000 last year.

The tale began with an awful stench in our larder, where our noses led us to a punctured sachet of cat food, which was oozing a decomposed sludge of fish. Things were cleaned up, but the smell lingered and made a comeback a few days later when a second punctured sachet was also found to be leaking and stinking. This time an examination of the other sachets revealed a bloated 'salmon sachet' and the realisation that the sachets had not leaked, but had 'blown' with the pressure of the gases coming from the bacteria in the unsterilised food.

Ever the good citizen, I dutifully made a note of the batch number on the sachet, thinking it might be of some use to Tescos and the food manufacturer. I need not have bothered.

I phoned the Tesco number for 'Complaints Process' flagged up on their website. The first advisor said that he didn't deal with complaints and put me through to the second advisor who also didn't deal with complaints who put me through to a young woman who said she did deal with complaints.

I began by pointing out that the phone number on their website was wrong and then related the complaint. She was silent. She didn't put the phone down on me, but I knew she was still there. I could hear her breathing and sighing at the other end. I waited and she waited for me to put the phone down, which I eventually did because the call was costing me money.

I next sent a e-mail with the details above to the address on the website. I need not have bothered. I've received no reply.

Yesterday, I took the bloated sachet to the Tesco store where I bought it. I need not have bothered. The customer service advisor took the sachet and asked me to get a new box. I returned with the box. She then told me that there was a problem because I had returned one sachet but the box contained a number. She suggested I paid half price for the new box. I refused saying that we spent thousands of pounds a year in the store and suggested as a mark of goodwill, I should be given the box.

She phoned her manager . She should not have bothered. The manager confirmed that I should not get the box. I took the bloated sachet and said : " A multi-million pound company can't give me a box of cat food as a mark of goodwill after all the inconvenience." I was laughing as I said this and made it my 'laughter tonic' for the day.

....but, what a sad country Britain has become.

B.B.C. is no company for Old Women

Joan Bakewell, at 76, is this country's 'Ageism Tsar', has criticised the B.B.C. for getting rid of women news presenters once they reach the age of 50.


Gone
News Readers :

Moira Stewart : retired off at 57
Anna Ford : left at 62,claiming she faced being sidelined
because of her age.

Also, 'Strictly Come Dancing' Judge :

Arlene Phillips : laid off at 66 and replaced by 30 year old Alesha Dixon.

Still there, the men -

'News Night' presenters :

Jeremy Paxman : 59
Gavin Esler : 56

Also working for the BBC, the broadcasters :

John Simpson : 64
John Humphrys : 66

Meanwhile in the U.S.A. Barbara Walters who became the anchor of N.B.C.'s 'Today' 48 years ago still has a show on ABC at 79. Diane Sawyer, presenter of ABC's 'Good Morning America' is 63 and in France, Christine Ockrent is still on 'France 24' at the age of 65.

Laughing Clubs for Baby boomers ?

In the link below, John Cleese visits Dr. Mandan Kataria in India. He is the founder of the World's first 'Laughing Club' who makes the point that if you fake laughter with others in a group, it is just as beneficial to your body as the real thing. His slogan is : " Fake it. Fake it. Until you make it. "

He has set up a Laughing Club in a Bombay prison on the basis that prisoners have stress, depression and anger and laughter can allay those feelings. Cleese says : "I found myself wondering, do we really want villains to be having quite such a good time ? And then I remembered that the people who are supposed to benefit from this are not just the prisoners , but also the prison staff."

I observe that, in a roundabout way, this is an example of Indian taxpayers' money being well spent.

As Britain's 'Baby Boomers' enter their twilight years, they will begin to make greater and greater financial demands on the resources of the National Health Service in particular and the Welfare State in general. State investment in Laughing Clubs today, could save the money of younger tax payers tommorrow. This idea is entirely logical and is guaranteed to find favour with abolutely no one in Government. After all, how could you justify spending tax payers' money financing clubs, designed to make old people laugh ?

John Cleese reports on Laughter Laughing Yoga

Thoughts from an American Poet and an American President

Some thoughts from the the great American poet, T.S.Eliot who died at the age of 77 in the year I studied this poem at school. That was 45 years ago when I was a callow youth of 17.

I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
(From 'The Love Song Of J.Alfred Prufrock')

Some thoughts from the not so great American President George Bush, providing a tonic laugh for the day.

President Bush

One virus hoax and a Grumpy Old Briton

Yesterday, I received this e-mail from a well meaning ex-colleague.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!
You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message
with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK, 'regardless of who sent it to you.It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which burns the whole hard disc C of your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in
his/her contact list. This is the reason why you need to send this
e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than
to receive the virus and open it.

If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a
friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately. This is the
worst virus announced by CNN.

It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever.
This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair
yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of
the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS.
REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US

So,being the good citizen, I duly sent it to everyone on my mailing list.

This was the reply I got from a very grumpy Old Man on the list :

I have just typed 'Postcard from Hallmark - virus' into Google and got an instant reply 'Hoax'.
Could you do the same next time and save youself and all your acquaintences a lot of time and worry.

His spelling and my highlight.

I've now posted his reply to everyone on my mailing list, with the exception of him.

After all, I wanted to put his message to some good use.

The U.S.A. - a country where Old Men advertise their age on their bumpers

Why not treat yourself to a senior citizen bumper poster U.S of A. style ?

Only $4.50 each.

Baby boomers, we are 'The Pig in the Python'.

I thought I'd share this wonderful piece of nonsense - an essay in how to say nothing in 5 paragraphs. The writer must have had his or her tongue in both cheeks at the same time. Well done !

Baby Boomer
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Baby boomer is a term used to describe a person who was born during the demographic Post-World War II baby boom. The term "baby boomer" is sometimes used in a cultural context, and sometimes used to describe someone who was born during the post-WWII baby boom. Therefore, it is impossible to achieve broad consensus of a precise definition, even within a given territory. Different groups, organizations, individuals, and scholars may have widely varying opinions on what constitutes a baby boomer, both technically and culturally. Ascribing universal attributes to a broad generation is difficult, and some observers believe that it is inherently impossible. Nonetheless, many people have attempted to determine the broad cultural similarities and historical impact of the generation, and thus the term has gained widespread popular usage.

In general, baby boomers are associated with a rejection or redefinition of traditional values; however, many commentators have disputed the extent of that rejection, noting the widespread continuity of values with older and younger generations. In Europe and North America boomers are widely associated with privilege, as many grew up in a time of affluence. As a group, they were the healthiest, and wealthiest generation to that time, and amongst the first to grow up genuinely expecting the world to improve with time.

One of the unique features of Boomers was that they tended to think of themselves as a special generation, very different from those that had come before. In the 1960s, as the relatively large numbers of young people became teenagers and young adults, they, and those around them, created a very specific rhetoric around their cohort, and the change they were bringing about. This rhetoric had an important impact in the self perceptions of the boomers, as well as their tendency to define the world in terms of generations, which was a relatively new phenomenon.

The baby boom has been described variously as a "shockwave" and as "the pig in the python." By the sheer force of its numbers, the boomers were a demographic bulge which remodeled society as it passed through it.

The term Generation Jones has gained popularity to distinguish those born 1954-1965 from the earlier Baby Boomers.

Laughs for the day - courtesy of President Bush

President funny speeches :

Showing how dumb George Bush Really is

Nine thoughts and One laugh for the day

Thoughts :
"Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine".
Actress, Joan Collins.

"In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day's long".
Pope, Paul VI.

"Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying".
President, Ronald Reagan.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter".
Novelist, Mark Twain.

"If youth knew; if age could".
Psychiatrist, Sigmund Freud.

"The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom".
Journalist, H. L. Mencken.

"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves".
Comedienne, Phyllis Diller.

"Old age is no place for sissies".
Actress, Bette Davis.

"Old age comes on suddenly, and not gradually as is thought".
Poet, Emily Dickinson.

Laugh:

Showing how dumb George Bush Really is

Britain - a country where Big Business entice Old Men

British Gas have been at it again. In May, I put a posting on this blog called :

'Big business banking on poor memory'.

I described how this multi-million pound company informed me in February, that I'd signed up to a service agreement, which was £116 more per year, than the one to which I'd agreed.

I wrote then :

'I phoned the company to make my displeasure known and cancel the agreement asking the question : " how many old people would look at that document and say to themselves: Did I really sign up for that ? Oh well, if it says so in print, I must have done. Then go ahead and send the direct debit to their bank."
The advisor on the phone was apologetic and said that, as a mark of good faith, if I stayed with the original agreement, a £10 Marks and Spencer voucher would be with me in two weeks. I stayed with the agreement.'

Of course, the voucher didn't come.

Then, last Friday I heard from Britsih Gas again. I had a phonecall from a British Gas advisor, who told me that I was :
"entitled to an upgrade from my present HomeCare 200 to the HomeCare 400."
When I asked : "What's the catch ? How much is it going to cost me ?" He told me that it would only be, you've guessed it, another £116 per year. When I told him " No, I'm happy with my present agreement". He quickly ended the call. I can't remember if he thanked me for my time, but I suspect he didn't.

So British Gas are still up to their old tricks, this time trying to sell old people services they don't need, by convincing them they are special customers, hence, you "are entitled to an upgrade".

How many phonecalls did the advisor make on that day ? How many people did he ensnare ? No doubt he was on performance-related pay, which is why he put the phone down on me so quickly, after all 'time is money'.

What a sad country Britain has become.

A role model for Britain's Old Men - Nathan Birnbaum

Nathan Birnbaum died at the age of 100 in 1996

Nathan was an American stage actor who wore a bad toupee and made a living, in the 1980's and 1990's, out of being, and reflecting on being, old. Here are some of the things he is remembered for saying :

At my age flowers scare me.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.

The author of these quotes was better known as the American comedian, writer and actor, George Burns. He would stand on the stage with the trademark cigar in hand and deliver the wisecracks in a distinctive dead pan style and gravelly voice. If you click on the link below you can hear that voice, either again, or for the first time, depending on who, or how old you are.

George Burns, his song - I wish I was Eighteen Again

It is only now, all these year later, that I begin to appreciate this man of wit, charm and equanimity who said - " Age means nothing. I can't get old ; I'm working. I was old when I was 21 and out of work. As long as you're working you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age."

I remember seeing him on black and white T.V. in the 1950's with his wife Gracie on the 'Burns and Allen Show'. The clip below is from that long past, gentler age.

Clip from a Burns and Allen show.

Do you know anyone who would buy these T-shirts ?

I've found a company selling T-shirts with words and logos referring to old people like :

I LOVE
OLD PEOPLE.

Another had on the front:
Arthritis
Not just for old
people anymore

and on the back:
Kids get arthritis too.
The Arthritis
Foundation :
http://www.arthritis.org
Here is a selection of the others :

OLD
PEOPLE ARE
HATERS

If you want to look
young and thin, hang
around old fat people

superimposed on a picture of an old man on a zimmer frame :
Old People
Scare Me

drawing of an old man in coat, hat and tie being burnt at a stake on a little grassy hill and the words:
BURN
THE
ELDERLY
with fire

old people
can multi-task !
we can laugh
cough, sneeze
fart and pee...
all at the same time

Never sneak up on
old people for a laugh
you may end up
with a concussion

Robots eat
old peoples
medicine

I think you'll agree with me that there is a lot high quality humour expressed on these T-shirts. I won't publish their web address for fear of advertising them without the company's consent.

For young and old - one thought and three tonics for the day

The thought, courtesy of the nineteenth century American poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow :

For age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.


The laughter tonics, courtesy of You Tube :

Funniest Prank in History
President Funny Speeches
Japanese Old Man

Laughter - a tonic for all Old Men

In Act I, Scene I of the 'Merchant of Venice' Antonio says :
I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano -
A stage, where every man must play a part,
And mine a sad one.
Gratiano replies :
Let me play the fool : With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.

The word 'mirth' is derived from the Old English word 'myrgth', from which we get the word 'merry' and it means 'merriment' or 'hilarious enjoyment'.

I'll start with a joke that made me laugh.
Two old men in the lounge and one wife in the kitchen.
The first said : “I am having a lot of trouble, I can’t remember anything anymore.”
The second : “Why don’t you do what I did? I went to a memory school.”
The first : “What's its name?”
The second : “What's the name of flower that has thorns on it?”
The first : “A rose.”
The second ( shouting ) : " Rose, what's the name of that memory school ?"


Shakespeare was pointing up the importance of laughter in old age and modern science confirms the positive effects of laughter in humans. It reduces the level of stress hormones in the body and increases life-enhancing hormones like endorphines and neotransmitters. It also increases the number of anti-body producing cells giving a stronger immune system and fewer physical effects of stress. Hence the old adage ' Laughter each day may keep the doctor away.' It is clearly good for people of all ages, not just old men. But there again, old men need all life-enhancing hormones and anti-bodies they can get !

Here are 3 links to U Tube. The first made me smile, but because of the contagious effects of laughter, the second and third made me laugh heartily and have set me up for the day.

Tom Rush - Remember Song
Old Man Laughing
Best Baby Laugh

Hot old men in Britain, relax, your Government has a cunning 'Heatwave Plan'.

The 'Heatwave Plan' for England was published by the NHS in May. ( Click on the link then put Heatwave Plan in the Search box.) On its front cover, on the left, it has 3 photos. The first is a close up of three, young smiling children, with the sun on their uncovered heads. The second is an empty deckchair with a sun hat hooked on the strut and a glass of orange juice next to the leg. The third has close up of a grey haired old chap, out in the sun, wearing a straw hat and pruning some flowers. On the right a big yellow sun sits in a hot red sky.

The Plan says that heat loss from the body in hot weather can be impaired in old people as well as the chronically ill. They are more susceptible to heart attacks and breathing difficulties. Apparently, 'older women appear more vulnerable than older men, possibly due to having fewer sweat glands and are more likely to live on their own'. In other words, less likely to have someone keeping an eye on them.

So what does the plan offer those elderly couples or single people who are more vulnerable to heat and living in their own homes, like the old chap pruning his roses on the front cover ?

The answer is : not a lot.
In the section of the report entitled 'Protective Factors', people are advised to 'Keep an eye on isolated, elderly, ill or very young people and make sure they are able to stay cool. Ensure babies, children and elderly people are not left alone in stationary cars. Check on elderly or sick neighbours, family or friends every day during a heatwave.' So the old chap in his garden is reliant on good citizens to come round and check that he is staying cool and that he's properly ventilated in his car. And that's about it.

The heart of the Plan warns health authorities that, if the Met Office issues a 'red emergency' at level 4, in its traffic light system, they should be prepared for more hospital admissions. Social workers who already visit old people in their own homes and workers in old people homes should all be extra vigilant.

Apparently, by the 2080's we can expect heatwaves every summer, like the one in 2003, which was responsible for killing thousands of additional people - mostly elderly. Where the old tread today, today's young will tread tomorrow. Let us hope that by the time they reach 'their' seventies, strategies will be in place to protect all of 'them' from the worst excesses of temperature change.

Britain - a country where the class to which old men belong, still dictates how long they live.

Life expectancy for men in England has risen to an average of 77.7 years compared to 77.3, three years ago and for women to 81.6 years. The Minister for Public Health, Gillian Merron said : " The health of the nation is improving..It is good to see that you can expect to live longer, that early deaths from heart disease, cancer and smoking related diseases are decreasing." However, the fact is that there are wide regional and social variations. For example, the expectancy for men in Blackpool is 73.2 whereas in ultra-middle class Kensington and Chelsea in London, it is 83.7. That's a whacking ten and a half years difference !

The Professor of Social Policy and Gerontology at the University of Sheffield has pointed out that healthy life styles are more likely in middle class, professional households, than in working class homes and households on state benefits. He made the point that " when you are poor you can't choose what you eat...The health inequality statistics are a mirror of other inequalities. Those differences are getting wider".

So my fellow baby boomers,those of you leading comfortable, middle class lives are probably going to live longer than your working class contemporaries. As 'twas the the case in the past, so 'tis now.

Britain - a country where, despite the work of 'socialist' governments in this and the last century, social inequality lives on , alive, well, unabated and reflected in the lives of our old men.

Britain is a country where burglars should beware some old men and women

A case has just come to court involving a drunken, 23 year old man who, armed with a knife, broke into a pensioner's house in Oxford, after he'd been to an all night party in August last year. Unfortunately, for the burglar, the 72 year old pensioner happened to be a former schoolboy feather-weight boxing champion and ex-soldier. He delivered 2 right hooks to the burglar's face and carried out a 'citizen's arrest' on the semi-conscious man and held until the police arrived.
The pensioner said he was scared when the burglar drew the knife, " but most people would have reacted in the same way."
The Judge had no sympathy for the intruder, who was found guilty of 'aggravated burglary' and given a sentence of four and a half years.

This was matched by an incident in August last year, where a 35 year old thief got into the home a a 69 year old pensioner and tried to steal a bottle of wine, but ran off after the pensioner delivered some punches. The judge in the Newcastle trial praised the pensioner for his bravery. The burglar got a suspended sentence with supervision and drug rehabilitation.

In another incident near Merthyr Tydfil this year, an 87 year old woman hit a burglar with her metal crutch 4 times across the back, when she found him in her kitchen. She then phoned the police and held him at bay until they arrived.
A detective constable said " I've told her she's my new heroine. She's amazing, a real inspiration."

These stories reminded me that, many years ago my feisty old Mum also found a young man in her kitchen and forced him to make his exit after raining blows at him. The police officer who arrived said that she was "a very brave but not very sensible old lady" and given the fact that my Mum was a tiny little woman, this was probably about right.

Born in the U.S.A.

Although, I have nothing in common with those U.S. celebrities who, like me, were conceived either in 1946 or early 1947 and born in '47, I feel an affinity with them, because of the confluence of our births.

What I found,as a result of my research, cheered me up. They are a gifted bunch, who have given a lot and are still giving a lot to their country.

In music, Billy Crystal, Arlo Guthrie, Iggy Pop, Meat Loaf and Carlos Santana. In films and T.V., Glen Close, Ted Danson, Richard Dreyfus, Kevin Kline, Sondra Locke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, O.J.Simpson and James Wood. Also, there is film producer David Ladd and directors, Steven Spielburg and David Mamet and last, but not least, the politicians Hilary Clinton and Dan Quale.

It's funny to think that, wherever they are and whatever they are doing, we all came kicking and screaming into this Old World within the same, short space of time, and apart from colour or gender, there was then, little difference between us.

Britain - a country where old men drive new convertibles

It is a beautiful, sunny, monday morning and I've been out driving my convertible and it amuses me to see that the other convertible drivers I passed, who had their hoods down, were all about my age and wearing baseball caps like me.

I would say that, on the basis that Britain has more convertibles than any other country in Europe, most of them here are driven by old boys like me.

Why do I say this ?

Facts:
1. Convertibles are expensive to buy.
2. Young people don't have much money and have a mortgage and kids.
3. Older people have a pension lump sum to spend, no mortgage and no kids.

Result :
One last indulgence for old men - the purchase of an open top car to be enjoyed in our increasingly warm British summers.

Google indicates that Britain is a bleak country for old men

If you put 'Old People in Britain' on a 'google' search, the titles of the sites you find make depressing reading :

My highlights are in bold.

'Survey finds 4% of older people (340,000) abused in their homes by family.'

'Britain's elderly 'bankrupted' by care bills'.

'Old people being robbed of the will to live by loneliness.'

'Quality of life getting worse for older people. report say.'

'Old people at risk from listeria poisoning if they ignore 'use by' dates.'

'Eight elderly people every hour die during winter in Britain.'

'Alzheimer's Society condemns daylight robbery and drugging.'

'Policy Library - Marginalised and depressed : Britain's older people.'


Well fellow baby boomers - not much to cheer us up here, is there ?

Britain's 'baby boomers' today

During the dark days of the Second World War between 1939 and 1945, millions of couples in Britain postponed the decision to have a child. Consequently, hundreds of thousands of women became pregnant either in 1946 or early 1947 and gave birth in '47. I was one of the babies of that year as was the entrepreneur Alan Sugar, and the musicians David Bowie, Elton John, Ronny Wood, Brian May, Dave Davies, the actor Jonathan Pryce, the writer Salman Rushdie and the wife of Prince Charles, Camilla Parker Bowles.

As children we stretched the resources of the state. In 1952 new primary schools were opened to accommodate the surge in numbers and then new secondary schools. The South London Comprehensive I went to, had 2,500 pupils. Then came the new universities of the 1960's - Kent, Warwick, Essex, York and the one I attended - Sussex.

And now collectively, as we reach state pension age, we are once again stretching the resources of the State. The women of 62 are there already, the men like me, will be there in 3 years. We are an expensive problem and will continue to be, until our numbers begin to diminish over the next 20 years or so.

Paul, Deliah and I.

It was my bithday last thursday and it felt good to know that, at 62, I was a relative youngster in comparison with singer, song writer, Paul McCartney who was 67 and cookery book writer and T.V. presenter, Deliah Smith who was 68.

Time for a little philosophy. Very few people know the time and date of the most important day of their lives - not that of their birth, which in my case was in a hospital bed, in a thunderstorm in Lewisham, London, at 3 o'clock on a wednesday morning. No, it is the date and time, 9 months before, when they were conceived.

I wish I hadn't gone down that path. It's made me realise that I'm almost a year older than I thought !

Monarchy - a place where elderly people can do useful work

There have been 12 monarchs of 'Great Britain and the United Kingdom' since it was formed with the merger of the Kingdoms of England and Scotland in 1707. Most of these were long-lived. They were all in the job for life, with the exception of George III who was stood down on account of his insanity, and Edward VIII who abdicated because he wanted to marry a divorced woman.

In terms of age, our present Queen Elizabeth II is out in front and still there at 83, before her, Queen Victoria lived to the age of 82, George II to 77, William IV to 72, George V to 71, Edward VII to 69 and George IV to 68. I suppose it could be argued that these men and women led pampered and privileged lives, which could explain their longevity in past times, when life for most ordinary people was hard, poor and relatively short.

Like the members of the House of Lords, our monarchs too, are unelected and therefore undemocratic. We had an elective monarchy in Anglo-Saxon England, from the 7th to the 11th centuries and election means that, in theory, you can choose the right person for the job. From the political point of view the greatest asset in having an hereditary monarch is that they can be prepared for their constitutional role from a very young age.

The greatest asset in having a monarch at all is explained by the word 'experience' Queen Elizabeth meets with her incumbent Prime Minister on a regular basis. Since her coronation in 1953 she has met with Churchill, Eden, Macmillan, Douglas-Home, Wilson, Heath, Wilson again, Callaghan, Thatcher, Major, Blair and now Brown. So Gordon Brown 'might be' and no doubt 'is' given advice by a woman who, to some extent, has seen it all before - eleven times before. There must be some virtue in that.

Should the title be : ' Britain is a country for young, but not old men' ?

I spoke to my daughter the other day about blogging. If the measure of a successful blog is the number of visitors your blog gets each day, then her blog is successful. She gets many, with the lion's share coming from abroad - the U.S.A., New Zealand, Australia, Slovenia and Turkey and more.

I asked if she could give me a bit of publicity on her blog - perhaps just a casual mention of my blog, but she didn't think that was a good idea. She suggested that I might get more visitors if I had a more positive title to my blog. ' Britain is a country for young, but not old men', has a bit of 'plus' and a bit of 'minus', but it hasn't quite got the feel of the original title. Of course, I could artificially inflate the number of my visitors on my 'sitemeter', but that would offend my English sense of fair play.

On balance, for the time being, I think I'll blog on with the original title.

Why can't democracy in Britain be a place for old men ?

The equivalent of the 'undemocratic' House of Lords in the American system of government is the 'democratically' elected Senate.

The 'unelected' members of the House of Lords do exercise real power. They spend 60% of their time discussing new laws and can delay the passing of these for one year if they choose. They spend the other 40% of their time questioning the Government and debating issues and policy.

In the year 2000 there were 688 members of the House of Lords and 55% of them were over the age of 65 and I have no reason to doubt that the figures are similar today.

So, it is pleasing to note that older men and women do play an important role in Britain today. They have a say in making the laws which bind us all. This is good, a recognition the age and experience do count. The great irony, however, is that we didn't choose them, which is not good. The vast majority were appointed by the Queen on the advice of the then Prime Minister. The fact is, that if we had chosen them, we probably would have gone for younger representatives -witness the fact the members of the House of Commons, who we do choose, have an average age of 52.

I conclude that old age and democracy in Britain today are 'apparently' incompatible and evidence would suggest that can't have a fairer system of government and a recognition of the contribution of age at the same time - but wouldn't it be worth a try ? After all, the 'average' age of U.S. senators is 62 !

Was Victorian Britain a Country for Old Men ?

I've been looking round, questing, turning over stones, trying to find if this country of ours was ever a place for old men. Yesterday I peeked into Shakespeare's England and concluded that it wasn't much of a place for old men. If I dig around in the later 17th century, where the philosopher Thomas Hobbes said that life was 'short,nasty and brutish', I suspect I'll find the same.

Victorian England might be my best bet. Queen Victoria herself was on the throne for 64 years and was 82 when she died in 1901. Improvements in living standards meant people were living longer and although men dominated society, I have the feeling that old men and women were both given respect in a way that they are not today, namely because they were old.

Shakespeare's England was no place for old men

William Shakespeare was 52 years old when he died in 1616. He was fortunate that, at that age he was still alive, since, high rates of death in infancy and early childhood meant that 40% of the population of England died before they reached their mid teens. This explains why the 'average' life span for a man was 47 years and for those who lived in London it was 35 years for the rich and 25 for the less affluent.

In his life he was apparently fortunate not to have succumbed to the smallpox, measles, malaria, typhus, diphtheria, scarlet fever, syphilis and plague which afflicted people at the time. The latest theory, from a German Professor, is that he died from lymph cancer. She came to this conclusion by studying his portraits which show a lump above his left eye which would have caused, around fifteen years of increasing pain, before it killed him.

If she is right it appeared around the time he was 35 years old and writing 'As You Like It' ? Was he losing his hair at that time too ? Certainly, he had a great understanding of the infirmities of coming old age, when through Jaques, in Act II, Scene VII, he said :

All the world's a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.......
The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again towards childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans hair, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

Now that I have reached the sixth age, I don't have long stockings which I now find baggy to wear, but I do have old jeans which are tight around the belly and lose around the thighs. However, my voice hasn't changed yet and doesn't 'pipe and whistle' when I speak.

As for the last age, I'm already half-way there, since I have little or no hair and my eyesight is poor. However, my sense of taste is good. So hopefully, I'll retain something with me when I enter the seventh age in the run up to the final state of 'sans everything'.

Urban Britain is no place for old men at night.

I live, along with 250,000 other people, in the Medway Towns conurbation, in North Kent and my perception is, that it is now no longer safe to go out at night, particularly in the most attractive of the three Medway Towns - the City of Rochester.

My perception was recently confirmed by a T.V. programme which showed the police dealing with a hordes of young, drunken revellers on a Saturday night in the City and listening to the spoken testimony of a 40 year old woman on the website : 'Kent Police Re-appeal for witnesses after Rochester assault', issued on June 4th.

In her own words, she was walking home, after a night out with her boyfriend in Rochester at 12.30 a.m., when a man ran up and punched her in the side of the face in a random attack. She fell and hit her head on the ground. In hospital she was diagnosed with an indented cheekbone and two breaks in her orbital socket which required titanium plates in the socket, presumably to save her sight. In her spoken account of the attack she is both composed and articulate and it makes very chilling listening. The police have the man's image on C.C.T.V. and seven months after the attack, are still appealing for witnesses.

Medway Council is aware of the problem of the perception of night crime. On its website it says that : ' Fear of crime prevents many people, particularly older people from doing the things they might do, such as going out at night....This is, despite the fact that crime in Medway is actually lower than the England and Wales average'.

As a Medway resident, it is heartening to see that they have set up a 'Community Safety Partnership' to deal with this and other issues. Unfortunately, none of this helps to assuage my fear that, going to a restaurant or pub in a town or city at night is dangerous and my belief that, it is safer done in daylight. This not just for the old, but apparently, anyone.

Who profits from being old ?

In our society, only stage and screen actors can earn a great deal of money for 'appearing' to be old and these days, some of them who are old, still get paid a lot of money because they are old.

Orson Wells was 25 when he played, with the help of facial prosthetics and make up, the seventy eight year old newspaper magnate, Charles Foster Kane in 1941, expiring with the enigmatic words, " Rosebud", on his lips.

Charlton Heston was 33 when, in 1956, he played with the help of grey hair and beard, the Old Testament Prophet, Moses, in 'The Ten Commandments'.

Dustin Hoffman was 33 when, in 1970, he played, with the help of facial prosthetics, the, over one hundred year, old Jack Crabbe - the only survivor of the Battle of the Little Big Horn.

Kate Winslett was 22 when, in 1997, she played the ancient Rose DeWitt Bukator, again with the help of prosthetics - the only living survivor from the Titanic disaster.

Marlon Brando was 48 when he played the ageing Mafia don, Vito Corleone, in the 1972 film, 'The Godfather'. His distinction was that, while the other four 'played' at being old, Brando 'was', with help of simple tissues, stuffed inside his cheeks and his slow speech and deportment, convincingly old. When you are in that 'old' category, you can recognise the genuine thing.

B.T.- No company for Old Men or Old Women

I read in my Sunday newspaper of the case of a 88 year old lady, suffering from Alzheimers, who had made calls to the 'speaking clock' all hours of the day and night. The poor old thing had made one thousand calls every quarter and had chalked up a bill of £1,500.

When her daughter tried to obtain a refund, B.T., a multi-million pound company, offered £360, representing the last quarter's bills.

The Newspaper investigator followed up the case but reported :
' I got absolutely nowhere with B.T. It refused point blank to reconsider its initial offer and, as you have not accepted it, even this has now been withdrawn.'

Britain today. Sad.

China - a country for old men

China is governed by a 'gerontocracy' - a word meaning 'government by old men' based on the three Greek words 'geron' ( old ),'ontos' ( men ), 'kratia' (government).

China has the fastest growing economy in the world and a population of over one thousand million people.

The President of China, is arguably, behind President Obama, the most powerful man in the world, but who in the West can name him ?

He is, wait for it, the 69 YEAR OLD, Hu Jintao.

Britain 1940 - a country for old men

The last time, and as far as I know, the only time, when a large number of older men did something of national importance for Britain was in 1940 when they volunteered to join the Local Defence Volunteers, set up to repel the imminent threat of invasion from Hitler's Army which was 22 miles away on the French coast. The volunteers were later renamed by Churchill as the 'Home Guard' and immortalised in the T.V. series 'Dads' Army'.

On the evening of 14th May 1940, millions of people turned on their radio sets to hear 'Secretary of State for War', Anthony Eden, make this announcement :
'Since the War began the government have received countless inquiries from men of all ages who wish to do something for the defence of their country. Well now is your opportunity. We want large numbers of such men between the ages of seventeen and sixty-five to come forward and offer their services'.

Two hundred and fifty thousand men gave in their names in the first 24 hours and I have no doubt a large number were over 60. The oldest volunteer was a Scottish ex-sergeant major called Alexander Taylor, who served to the age of 80, had fought in the Sudan in 1885 and probably inspired the T.V. series writers Perry and Croft to invent Corporal Jones, who had fought the 'Fuzzy Wuzzies' in the Sudan under General Kitchener and told Captain Mannering that when it came to bayonets and the enemy
" They don't like it up them,".
I note that 'Dad's Army' is still running on one T.V. channel, forty-one years after the first black and white episode and after most of the cast have 'passed over'.

What did these old men achieve in 1940 ? Certainly, they and the younger volunteers would have been no match against the full might of an invading German Army.
One ex- army officer wrote : ' What could we have done if the coming day had suddenly spewed Huns from the skies - except run like hell, and even that would not have been much good for many of our grey beards. As a military force we were a gigantic bluff.'

The historian Norman Longmate thought that the role they played was to provide an outlet for patriotism which inspired the whole country and changed its attitude to war, in what were undoubtedly, the darkest days, in its history. I'll go along with that.

In 1940, perhaps for the last time, Britain was a country which needed, recognised and used its old men for the good of all.

Dandling in Britain today

Seeing young children being 'dandled' on the seafront at Herne Bay, reminded me of family holidays fifty years ago in my Uncle's chalet, just down the coast at Swalecliffe. Here, I can be seen making noise with pots and pans and floated in the sea by my Father and Brother.

I first came across the verb 'to dandle' in a poem by Sir Walter Ralegh called 'Farewell to the Court'. It means 'To dance a child in the arms or on the knee.' He wrote :

Like truthless dreames, so are my joies expired,
And past return, are all my dandled daies.'

I am heartened by the fact that, as I was dandled, in this case, in the sea, so too, there is much evidence of 'dandling' by parents, going on in Britain today. A continiuty of good, in a sea of dubious change.